Monday, June 15, 2009

Letting Go

The past year, or bit more, we have been in the process of processing, dealing, grieving, and letting go. I have been learning that there comes a time in life where you must decide what is "right" for your family and what is Truth and what you are OK with being "gray". I just never thought that we would hit something like this so soon. I know that as a parent, I am responsible for the influences and examples that Kaileigh grows up with and adapts as her own eventually, but I never really thought about the fact that making decisions based on all of these things starts now - that we are sowing seed into not only our lives, but Kaileigh's, and into all of our futures.

We came to a cross roads awhile back where we had to choose between what we felt God was telling/leading us and where man was telling us we should go. (you can read in-depth on that here) Well, we chose to take a step of faith and follow where we felt God leading. And in this process we have lost friends, but we have also made new ones - and kept some who have chosen the same path. We have learned that forgiveness isn't always what it looks like

But the hardest part of all this? LETTING GO. Letting go of the idea of friendship(s) that never really were - authentic. Letting go of an idea that was never really real to begin with - that truth wasn't The Truth. Letting go of the fact that we were strung along to follow something that was not for our spiritual gain, but for personal, human gain. Letting go of a memory that never really was what it looked like. And letting go of all the emotions and experiences and wondering, was it really what it seemed and realizing that nothing will ever be the same again.

When people talk with us, I often relate to the passage in Genesis where Lot and his family leave Sodom & Gomorrah. God tells them not to look back. Oh boy - "don't look back God?" Well, that is what it has been. Learning to let go and to not look back - on something that never was Truth. To know that God said "go, take your family, and run and do not look over your shoulder."

Now, I am not saying that I am looking back and regretting. What I AM saying is that I continue to go through this grieving process of realizing that we have left an "old way", so to speak and have started a "new route" and as we continue to experience God's blessing and excitement, I grieve from time to time for those who I was close to, no longer share those same values and convictions or share the same goals and it is sometimes more than my heart can handle.

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