Letting Go

The past year, or bit more, we have been in the process of processing, dealing, grieving, and letting go. I have been learning that there comes a time in life where you must decide what is "right" for your family and what is Truth and what you are OK with being "gray". I just never thought that we would hit something like this so soon. I know that as a parent, I am responsible for the influences and examples that Kaileigh grows up with and adapts as her own eventually, but I never really thought about the fact that making decisions based on all of these things starts now - that we are sowing seed into not only our lives, but Kaileigh's, and into all of our futures.

We came to a cross roads awhile back where we had to choose between what we felt God was telling/leading us and where man was telling us we should go. (you can read in-depth on that here) Well, we chose to take a step of faith and follow where we felt God leading. And in this process we have lost friends, but we have also made new ones - and kept some who have chosen the same path. We have learned that forgiveness isn't always what it looks like

But the hardest part of all this? LETTING GO. Letting go of the idea of friendship(s) that never really were - authentic. Letting go of an idea that was never really real to begin with - that truth wasn't The Truth. Letting go of the fact that we were strung along to follow something that was not for our spiritual gain, but for personal, human gain. Letting go of a memory that never really was what it looked like. And letting go of all the emotions and experiences and wondering, was it really what it seemed and realizing that nothing will ever be the same again.

When people talk with us, I often relate to the passage in Genesis where Lot and his family leave Sodom & Gomorrah. God tells them not to look back. Oh boy - "don't look back God?" Well, that is what it has been. Learning to let go and to not look back - on something that never was Truth. To know that God said "go, take your family, and run and do not look over your shoulder."

Now, I am not saying that I am looking back and regretting. What I AM saying is that I continue to go through this grieving process of realizing that we have left an "old way", so to speak and have started a "new route" and as we continue to experience God's blessing and excitement, I grieve from time to time for those who I was close to, no longer share those same values and convictions or share the same goals and it is sometimes more than my heart can handle.

Stars Hollow Syndrome

For those out there who are Gilmore Girls junkies (and yes, I include myself in this!),I must admit that I have some 'Stars Hollow Syndrome'. For awhile now, a group of us girlfriends get together and have our 'Gilmore Girls Night In'. We eat junk food and laugh and watch through the series until we can't stay awake any longer and then we pick up again the next week. We all end up talking about the same things (though most of us have seen these now how many times), 'Will Luke and Lorali ever get together?' and 'how about all those fast 1-liners!' and then always, always, always 'oh, i want to live in Connecticut in Stars Hollow. How fun..' and the comments go on and on and on.

Now, for those who have never seen the Gilmore Girls, I will give you a quick inside: Stars Hollow is a fictional New England town of aprx. 9,973 people in Connecticut. If you are familiar with the show, please skip the direct quotation from Wikipedia below:

Stars Hollow was inspired by and is loosely based on the real town of Washington Depot, Connecticut (located in the middle of the western half of the state, about 45 minutes from both Hartford and New Haven) which writer Amy Sherman-Palladino once traveled through. But at

There are many clues given during the course of the show as to its location in Connecticut, but unfortunately no one town fits all clues. Hartford is supposed to be within 30 minutes and New Haven is allegedly 22.8 miles away. Towns mentioned as being close include Woodbury and Beacon Falls (generally in the central south west of the state), Litchfield, Groton and New London (in the south east). This information can't be reconciled any better.

Washington Depot, the town Amy Sherman-Palladino mentioned as inspiring Stars Hollow, also uses a town meeting-style government and was founded in 1779. The homes and buildings in the town all match the style of that in Stars Hollow and the archetype New England town. In real life Woodbury is very close to Washington Depot. It should be noted that plenty of other Connecticut towns have village greens, gazebos or small quaint shops and give a feel much like Stars Hollow to a visitor.

Greg Morago of The Hartford Courant writes, "...... the Stars Hollow of The Gilmore Girls rings true. The town's antiques shops, small businesses, schools, government and infrastructure look the part. But where Sherman-Palladino has truly excelled, despite her Clueless origins, is in her drawing of colorful Connecticut characters. The populace of Stars Hollow, from the town busybody to the town troubadour, is familiar to any Nutmegger who ever attended a town meeting."

Now I post all of that above because of the point that I want to make: at some point I think many of us long for such a 'place'. It's this everyday, yet whimsical and magical small town that makes you feel like everything is just going to be ok and that people are just the nicest and best that there ever was. And even though life gets tough, there is always someone there to have your back.

When things start to get tough or begin to change, I naturally gravitate towards moving and changing atmospheres. I have been like this since I can remember and there are days where all I want is to live in my 'Stars Hollow' and go to town meetings and have a town troubadour sing while I walk down the street. Course, for right now, I guess that my Harry Connick Jr and Coldplay will just have to do the trick, eh?!

Healing in Transition

We have been in quite the transition period over the past year. Facing our fears and listening to the Lord, we embarked to go where God was leading rather than where man was telling us was the right path. I myself had been looking for a place to connect and be fed and encouraged through The Word and with like-minded friends.

I say this all, because at some point, God always brings me back to my "roots of influence/growth". I would have to say that there are many people who have shaped what I am today and what I believe, but those that have, I am ever so grateful for God bringing them across my path. And to those of you - my friends - at The Navigators, Charis Bible College, & my FBC MOPS ladies - may the Lord bless you just as you have blessed me and my family!

I have gone from a place of grieving and feeling inadequate and exhausted; to feeling refreshed, encouraged, and capable. There have been friends and people who have come alongside and offered a helping hand - many without knowing it - and helping me steer through these past months of transition; and not just me, but to my husband as well. To feel again the ability and the capacity to reach out and give back as I once felt before is invigorating. And though the waves are still rolling high, I now feel encouraged and prepared. I am reminded that I am not alone; that there are others.

There is a song that I have never once not gotten goose bumps while listening to/singing. It still grabs a hold of me and ministers to me and I am so excited to feel the passion that was once so strong long ago, has returned!

Trees of life are blooming Your word plants the seed and we feel it
growing. Your kindness leading to repentance, We see traces Of deliverance Lord, thank You for mercy

Oh, can you hear it?It's the song of the redeemed; The pursuit of
passion for the one who set us free.

Oh, can you hear it? We're crying out for
more. Listen to our song, It's turning into a Holy Roar

Rivers of renewal Spirit whisper a revival And send us rushing Open hearts with hopes of unity Servants to love in lost humanity. Lord, send us reaching.

Oh, we come rejoicing and singing and
crying out to you, Lord Can you hear the Holy Roar

- Christy Nockles, Watermark

I am so thankful for the Lord's leading and for His voice and for those who listened to Him simply by reaching out and extending a hand. There truly is healing in transition.