Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm A Survivor

The last several months have been something else for me. I didn't even know where to start when someone asks how things were going, etc. How do you tell someone that "yea pretty much life just sucks right now"? Well, since this is me that we're talking about, that's just about how it would come out! :) Nothing was going the way I'd wanted or planned and I was tired of not being able to cope - survive - function - without the help of sleep aids, relaxants, and screwing vitamins and 'all things natural'. Everything that I stood for and believed in began to fall down the drain in a hopeless feeling of exhastion and defeat.

I would find that at the end of my days, the last thing I wanted to do was get back online and share my thoughts and 'jordanisms' with people when I'd spent my entire day defending myself and just surving to get to the end of the day without being lectured and scolded. My passion for sharing on things and issues near and dear to my heart began to fade in the light of other things claiming priority in my life by means of necessity. There was no joy and energy left in me at the end of the day and the despair of the next coming day were enough to make me sick and I'd once again, neglect something that I once loved and looked forward to - blogging and keeping up on the latest herbal health trends and information.

But alas! There was a cloud with a silver lining in it on my horizon and I have embraced it full force! For the first time in 2 years, I am truly able to be a true Mommy and a real Independent Contractor. It has been a breath of fresh air to have set deadlines and projects and know that who cares when it gets done, as long as it's done and done well. There's no more being tied to my house and my phone in fear that I won't be available when I'm 'supposed' to be available and that I can run my own schedule and take time for my daughter.

I have GREATLY appreciated all of your emails and posts encouraging me to continue to share information and stories with you all. You are wonderful readers and I love you too!